Security is the level of guarantee of assurance. It is more likely to achieve success, have meaningful relationships and be respected by others. On the other hand, insecure people lacks confidence in their own value, and one or more of their capabilities, lacks trust in themselves or others, or has fears that a present positive state is temporary, and will let them down and cause them loss or distress by “going wrong” in the future.
A person who is insecure finds difficulty in many aspects of life. Since most people are insecure, a person who is secure has power and influence over others; even if they are not otherwise powerful.
Check yourself if you have signs of insecurity:
Selfish…
Selfish people usually insist of having things their own way at the expense of others.
Defensiveness…
Insecure people tend to be very sensitive to critique and respond with defensiveness. They aren’t comfortable enough with themselves to accept that they might be flawed.
While a secure person can handle criticism. They’re open to hearing about ways they might improve. If they disagree with the criticism, they don’t try to argue because they’re happy with who they are.
Can’t Enjoy Silence…
Some insecure people just can’t deal with silence. They fill every void with meaningless chatter, almost to avoid having to reflect on themselves. The unfortunate consequence is the annoyance of everyone around them, who secretly look for an escape.
While a secure person can tolerate, and often enjoys silence. If they are with someone else, they have the ability to let someone else talk without having to interject their own perspective.
Excessive Joking…
Another coping mechanism for insecurity is constant joking. While a sense of humor is almost necessary for emotional health, the excessive joker doesn’t seem to know the limits of appropriateness.
It feels good when everyone laughs at your joke, and an insecure person craves this sort of attention. The unfortunate consequence is an uncomfortable environment and an insensitivity to others.
Jokes are almost always more funny when they are well-timed and delivered by a person of confidence. Security gives you the ability to be sensitive of others; knowing what they would consider funny and what they would consider offensive.
Self-Promoting…
Insecure people tend to talk about themselves constantly, as if they feel like they have to prove themselves. Self-promotion is paramount to over-compensation for doubt.
A confident person doesn’t need to promote himself. His qualities are displayed naturally by the way he lives his life. Besides, he doesn’t need validation from anyone anyway.
Bullying…
Insecure people feel threatened by others, and one way to cope with this is to try and squash them. The most threatening person of all to an insecure person is a secure person, because they can sense their power.
Overly Competitive…
Competitiveness is part of a healthy emotional makeup, but over-competitiveness is a sign of a problem. Someone who can’t take losing by making a big emotional display lacks confidence.
A person who is secure with himself wins or loses with grace. Grace has a lot to do with respecting your opponent, and you can only do that if you are first comfortable with yourself.
Overly Authoritative…
Insecure people in positions of power tend to compensate for their lack of confidence by taking out their frustrations on their subordinates. They might issue unfair punishments or orders as a way to prove their authority.
This kind of excessive authoritativeness is an obvious over-compensation for insecurity.
Materialistic…
A very dangerous coping mechanism for insecurity is buying things you can’t afford just to show off. We can all think of people with huge TV’s, fast cars, and every toy known to man; even though they don’t make much money. People like this tend to run up their credit cards and get themselves into big trouble.
A secure person doesn’t need to show off. He doesn’t care what other people think about his possessions.
Insecurity in Relationships…
Insecurity tends to be amplified in relationships. In this situation, there is a constant struggle for control and energy.
Interestingly enough, people tend to be attracted to other people at the same level of security. Insecure people tend to find other insecure people to date, and secure people tend to date other secure people.
A healthy relationship is made up of two secure people who create their own emotional energy and give to their partner. An unhealthy relationship is made up of two insecure people who take emotional energy from their partner.
WORK ON YOURSELF…
Insecurity can be highly destructive, especially if you don’t understand it. Many insecure people find scapegoats for their problems, never realizing that they are causing the problems themselves.
The beginning of security is learning to laugh at yourself, realizing that no one is perfect.